A new life

In my days..... It's great to be alive!

Today was the 1st day of a new life time for me.  A few weeks back, Heather invited me to attend Harvest Crusade - Dodger Stadium.  Although I was a Christian back in the early 80's - I am what is known as a "back-slider."  However,  my faith in God has continued to be "somewhat" faithful.  Although I did not go to church on a regular basis, not Christmas, Easter or my birthday.  BUT (there's always got to be a but...) I do regularly pray to God and yes, I do speak to him quite often.  Sometimes I feel like he is speaking back to me.  In the past 9 months or so, God has been trying to open my eyes, ears and heart.  In the past several months, He has shown be how mighty HIS love is for me.  He has spoken to me through varies individuals, continued to provide me with samples of HIS amazing grace. 

This evening I made a RE-commitment and dedicated my life to Jesus.  As I sat in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium, I felt the strong presence of GOD and HIS great workings.  People were on fire for Jesus!  Not literally, but in a sense, yes - literally, metaphorically speaking.  I realized then that all the heaviness I had been feeling in my heart the last several months, was HIS way of telling me he has been providing me the tools for a better and meaningful life of eternity.  No - I'm not crazy!  Why didn't I see this before?  Perhaps because it wasn't my time - is there really good time?  People can minister to you all they want, but if it isn't your time to get it, you just won't get it!

Pastor Greg was giving his sermon - as I sat and listened, I had no idea what was coming next, nor did I think about it.  I soon had this enormous overwhelming of feeling of warmth, happiness and everything seemed to be lite up in bright colors.  Yes.  I know I was sitting in the bleachers with bright fluorescent lights, and no, I wasn't on a bad trip - well perhaps one can interpret that I was on a good trip!  I would soon evoke on a journal of a life time.  An eternal journey to LIFE.  As Pst Greg invited all to come down to the lawn and accept Christ as our Savior, I immediately knew that was MY call.  Without any hesitation, I and other's proceeded down to the lawn area.  I knew the Holy Spirit was heavy in my heart talking to me.  I was so overwhelmed with emotions and just stood there and cried till I could cry no more.  I asked God to forgive me for all my sins. I wanted a better life and in doing so, I knew I would begin my faithful journey and Walk by Faith with Jesus.

Now we all know that GOD is most certainly not ONE to bargain with or make deals with - the same goes for Jesus.  YOU JUST DON'T make deals. But I was desperate and so I did.  I begged HIM to take my son's life which ever way he felt, I promised HIM that I would come back to HIM faithfully.  My son managed to stay out of jail/prison for about 5 months - long enough to enjoy his little sister's pregnancy, reunite with my siblings, nieces and nephews after many many years, and share my 50th birthday with me.  He had experienced God's seed planted in him a couple of months prior. He called me one night and told me of his revelation.  He had spent 12 hours in a Christian Church with Pastor Rob DeLuca and his ministry.  He called me and said "Mom, I KNOW my life is going to now change. I just feel it deep inside and I don't want you to have to worry about me any longer."  I prayed and thanked God for even the mere fact that my son mentioned God - it was clearly a great blessing.  Six weeks later my son was stopped by security at a local popular establishment. They accused him of peaking thru the store windows and cars.  My son is a drug addict yes, but he wasn't a thief.  My son was facing 10 years as this was a 2nd strike for him if found guilty.  Long story short, he got a year for violating parole. GOD kept his promise - although my son is incarcerated, he also dedicated his life to Jesus this past January.  That itself was a huge blessing.  You see - my son was the biggest atheist there was, at least in my eyes.  He stopped believing in God at a very youthful age.  Although through the last 7 or so years, I prayed harder than I ever did for him.  Just asking God to rescue my son. I even begged him that if he needed to take my son's life, then so be it. At least I would know where he was and where he wasn't.  YES - God did answer my prayers and took my son's life - that was the day my son dedicated his life to Jesus.  He was reborn again! Praise God for this!

I knew that last year when I begged God that if I made amends with my mother - let the anger and hatred towards her go. That if I forgave her for leaving me at a young age - accepted her life for what it was and let her rest in peace,  I would never speak ill of her again. In actuality, I was willing to let the hurt go.  ONLY if what I asked for in return was granted.  I asked HIM to bring precious Izzie into this world as a normal baby and that Julie would not have to suffer thru a harder delivery than the pregnancy she was already going through.  You see, Julie and Matt were faced with the high risk of Izzie being a Down Syndrome baby.  Although they decided early on that if this was the will of GOD, they would certainly love their child no matter what. They soon started to prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for this beautiful bundle of joy we were all waiting anxiously to receive.  SO you ask why - why would I want to bargain with GOD one life for another?  The answer is simple - my precious daughter is a sober addict for a few years now.  She was a silent user of meth and other heavy drugs, unbeknownst to my knowledge, for many years.  She hit rock bottom December of 2008 - she struggled with sobriety emotionally, physically and mentally.  She was most definitely challenged with a life decision - the decision to end or start a life.  Although this was a devastating decision for her, it made her realize that life was too precious and was well worth a road to sobriety.  God blessed her and Matt with the news a little over a year later that they were having a baby!  Several months later, they were told the devastating news that the baby was highly probable to be a DS baby.  Julie cried and was devastated.  She blamed it on herself and her past drug abuse and very poor life decisions. 

As a mother, of course I had seen what my baby was going through.  Although I always stood by her side, good, bad or indifferent, I loved my daughter unconditionally and did not want to see her torture herself anymore. There was no consolation that a DS baby is not of her fault - it's just an extra chromosome from them both. The doctor's recommended she rethink real hard what she wanted to do.  Either terminate the pregnancy or go through with it.  So this is when I made a bargain with GOD/Jesus.

Well, GOD amazing as HE is,  delivered to us a perfectly healthy baby girl.  She was so perfect!  Julie suffered absolutely NO HARD labor and was in delivery for 5 hours with minimal pain and three hard pushes.  She even said she couldn't understand why women made such a big thing out of giving birth!  She said her 9 months were a lot more painful.  Us women laughed (and booed) at her because we were envious of her delivery - we all faced tough deliveries (I'm still working through my toughest delivery with my grown son).  The delivery doctor (not Julies dr - he was probably out golfing or something) and nurses had not known of the potential for the DS.  Somehow it never was written on the delivery chart?!?!?  I was ecstatic and over joyed with the wonderful news! I immediately thanked God!! 

And so by accepting Jesus as my Savior, I knew my life would be great going forward.  He is truly amazing!  I've got a lot to learn as a new Christian.  You ask am I ok with that and willing to give up a lot for HIM?  YES.  I am giving up, loneliness, emptiness, guilt and a destiny of hell.  Now THAT is a fabulous bargain!!!