God grant me the Serenity to live each day to the fullest for tomorrow may be my last......
Just existing. Just here, It was one of those things that I find a bit difficult to apprehend. Once again, I find myself back in the hole. This fucked up hole that doesn't seem to want to close. It's just there. I try to close it, but it insists on staying open. I have come to the realization that it really is denial that I am feeling. Denial of life. My life. The overpowering feelings of pain, confusion and heartache. It arrived later in the afternoon today. As I walked to the other room, which I was going in to partake in some flagrant uplifting. I immediately realized that I am unable to partake in the fashion I so desired. Instead, I made a wise choice and went for the joys of Mother Earth. I stood there enjoying the freshness until this overwhelming feeling came over me.
I was frozen in my way. Unable to defend the pain that ached at my heart. I felt an immediate loneliness. I was in a busy world, but totally alone, No one in the short distance to offer the comfort of their heart. I continued to stand there. Overwhelmed. I turned and proceeded to find some type of comfort that would make the pain cease. In the short distance was a simple solution to the situation. As I confided my heart out to the souls, I began to,feel a bit of the despair disappear. The simple solution was a quick comfort.
Soon I found my journey continue towards the sunset. I proceeded to go towards the best possible direction in hopes of reaching a solution. Upon arrival, it was discovered that not only were the sparrows wallowing around, it also included the doves. The white dove of all doves. It appeared almost to be angelic. A white angelic dove. She was saddened at the pain that continued to tug at her heart. My heart. I proceeded to walk in an eastern direct towards my destination. There it stood. Tall. Whimsical and also deeply saddened. As the fountain of pain continued to run through the valley of despair, there was no where else to run to. Facing the inevitable, realizing that was the best decision, it somewhat passed. The pain and despair somewhat vanished.
The heart continued to ache. My heart continued to ache. I realized that the far away distance was closer than I had anticipated. It allowed me for no exit. Combative at the heart. Strong against the wind. It was the acceptance of the denial of the end. I don't want my journey to end. I still have the stars, moon and sun ahead.
